Saturday, February 24, 2024

Every Eligible Man in Pakistan Should Have a Second Wife. Why?

Nightmare For Some, Blessing For Others

It has certainly become a taboo in our society to discuss or even talk about this very controversial topic. All females think if it will ever happen to them, it’s a nightmare for them and they will definitely be stigmatized for their entire married life and for this good reason it becomes a no-go area for anyone to talk about it.

The objective of having a deeper analysis into this topic is to see all positives and negatives that worry many of the females and whether there exists a solution to their problems or not.  Its Islam that teaches us to think as we are one unmet and if the pain is felt in one part of our body the whole body will be in pain and secondly, we must change our way of thinking so that we can contribute towards bringing in all positive changes in our Muslim society. It is only possible by implying it in a true spirit within our own lives so that it becomes easy for every other Muslim who wants to practice Islam in its true spirit as Islam is a religion that provides complete way of life.

The question we must ask all married women is, what is the biggest concern to them that haunts them and why are they reluctant to enter a new relationship where they will have to live with the second wife of the husband. They will say it’s embarrassing for them to be sharing this relationship with other women in our society. They all must realize the fact all Ummahat ul Momineen used to live together with our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

I think it’s the Hindu culture inculcated into our minds. There is another dilemma in our Muslim Pakistani society that a married man who is living with one wife is always considered more pious loyal towards his wife than a person who lives with two wives? In our culture we put a negative label and maline people who do it with good intentions?

We must ask to ourselves as a Muslim that do, we have to follow the complete way of life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) or we continue to follow what we have inherited from our forefathers that were born in Hindu mindset culture of Indian sub-continent or do we want to follow Islam in its true spirit. Sorry to say we only follow that part of Islam that which is overlapped between our existing culture and Shariah and that part of Shariah which is not coherent with our culture we put Shariah aside. Nauzubillah!

The real reason for this dilemma is very weak Imaan of today’s Muslims though Imaan is present but not at that scale that we follow Islam completely. Allah Tallah says in Quran Surah Baqarah verse 286 “O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy”. In this verse Allah Tallah wants us to follow complete Islam not take some part that is suitable to our liking and leave the rest.

In order to change the cultural values and practice Islam we need to do the same effort of deen making our Imaan that Nabi (PBUH) did on his Sahaba during Makki time period, first thirteen years of starting the effort of deen there was no Namaz, Roza, and Zakat, parda etc. just Kalima and Dawat of Imaan. The work of Dawat and making Imaan is like life line of every Muslim. All we need to do is make our Imaan so strong that we start practicing Islam completely and change our lives based on principles given to us by our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to men and women both.

The Arabs had their own culture and values before Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) started doing the effort of Deen and gradually when the Imaan was at the highest level of Sahaba (RA) the Namaz was given to them there was not a single person among them who was not who left even a single Namaz.

Alcohol was also made haram once the Imaan had reached to the level that made them change their Arab culture that existed since their forefathers and eventually all the Arab culture was gone and all the practices and values were Islam were part of their lives.

In my opinion the reason no Muslim Pakistani women agrees to do so and will not accept other women as her co-wife in the same house could be the insecurity that exists among the females as we are male dominated society where male member takes all decisions for the entire family weather, they are favorable or unfavorable and this undue advantage may make married life of first wife more difficult and challenging. It will create more problems for the first wife and her children. Just like any new product that is in the market, whoever takes the first move will say he is an innovator, then comes early adopters, later early majority, followed by late majority and laggards in the end.

The Ulema on the other hand feel that it’s their responsibility to break this un-Islamic mindset and culture as it’s not in accordance with Islamic values and teachings but rented from Hindu culture as we have lived with them for many centuries and our cultural and some beliefs are overlapped including many of the non-Islamic festivities. This stigma in the society is creating lots of social problems as well that results in extra martial affairs and spread of prostitution in the society. The more difficult we make the marriage and second marriage the prostitution will increase.

This taboo must be broken by our Ulema in the first place to give it a legal status and people see it as a Shariah act not as an act of disgrace as its seen by many conservatives living in our Muslim society who think it’s an act of shame and man does it in order to satisfy his sexual desires. It’s the same Hindu mind set of Rajas and Maharajas who had only one legal wife and rest of the females were kept and treated as Maharaja’s un-official wives.

In Islam the only thing that matters is giving all your wives equal rights or haqooq and we cannot be biased. The time and money must be divided equally and the standard of living must be given to them equally. It’s the Hindu culture inculcated deep down in our minds from childhood and our forefathers that we as Muslim are still not able to leave it behind. If we can break this taboo that still exists to date in our society it will help us stop many social evils that already exist in our society. Many elderly females who are still unmarried due to many social and financial issues that exist in our society like insufficient funds, responsibility of the parents and young siblings, they are still in their late forties. The divorced females who have responsibility towards their children and need companions to take the responsibility and share their burden.

The Ulema must take the initiative and rest will follow their footstep. Also, not to forget many of the females also get into illicit relationships because they cannot force men who are already married to disclose it among the family because it may create a family breakup. Once the Ulema set an example it will be our responsibility to follow their footsteps. It will become easy for every common man to do so once people who have a status and are considered respectful in the society will do it with honor and will choose those females who need support and are more deserving and later this trend will be followed by others as it will not be a cultural issue once we start doing it with honor and dignity.

Ulema are already doing it who know Deen well and who know what impact it will have on our next generations to follow. It cannot be forced upon on existing culture but eventually this change will be seen once we change our lives based on Islamic principles and follow the path given to us by our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

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Category: Social

Comments (3)

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  1. Syed Kamal says:

    What are some possible living arrangements for second wives.
    a. Both wives live under the same roof with common house and kitchen and share household duties. No doubt this is economical and the husband is available to both wives and in case of emergencies.
    b. Each wife has a home of her own. In this case the man of the house can not be available to both wives at the same time for companionship or in emergencies. This arrangement is also more expensive.
    c. If both or either wives are independent, then independent wife keeps a home of her own and husband divides his time between two households and subsidizes the independent wife financially.
    d. One wife can stay in her familiar home (possibly parents home) and husband visits the wife on an agreed schedule.
    In all of these arrangements it will be necessary for both wives and the husband to be in the same city (preferably not too far from each other) so minimum time is spent travelling – commuting to and from each home.

    Comments and suggestions re invited from all for best ideas. Jazakallah bil Khair.

  2. Syed Kamal says:

    Dear Readers: I am not very familiar with religious aspects of the polygamy. Under what conditions is a man justified in considering taking a second wife. Is inability of the wife to have intercourse with the husband over a long period of time such as 2 years sufficient basis for second marriage. I invite comments nd ideas from all. Jazakallah bil Khair.

  3. Syed Kamal says:

    This is my last question pertains to financial capability of the man to take on a second wife.Anyone earning subsistence income shouldn’t entertain idea of second marriage. What minimum income and assets should the husband have to afford a second wife. Suppose the husband and wives have no children, how much money and resources should they have to make this arrangement work. Towards end 2022 is that amount 1 lakh, 2 lakh or 3 lakh per month? I invite readers comments, questions and suggestions.